Tales From The Spark
by Sakrea
Summary: A collection of funny short stories based on or pertaining to my story "The Last Great Battle", though it's not necassary to read it. Some characters may include Blurr, Ironhide, Starscream, Red Alert, and more. Alternate Universe based. Rated to be safe.
1. Major Problems

This is the first of what might be many short stories based on my story The Last Great Battle.

For those of you who haven't and will not read it, my story is not based on any one series of Transformers.

It was just meant to be my own made up world of Transformers with some new takes on traditional characters.

This particular story takes place on Cybertron before Blurr leaves for Earth, but after Optimus disappeared.

Basically, a council of the head of each section of the Autobots army/government is what temporarily replaced Optimus.

This is just a funny little story meant to go a bit deeper into Red Alert's personality and to show that Ironhide has a solution for every situation, logical or not.

Hopefully it's entertaining and understandable!

Also, I do not own Transformers, Hasbro and those other companies do!

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For Blurr, today wasn't a bad day. Normally his work as the Head of the Intelligence Division meant a lot of paperwork, hearing cases of failed missions, or firing someone. On any normal work day, he found himself wishing that he was working back in the field as a normal intelligence agent.

Today however, he had a special meeting located outside of the central meeting. This meant he got to at least use his speed to get there. The meeting itself involved possible Decepticon spies within the system, which was far more interesting than his everyday work, so that was an added plus.

Unfortunately, it was also the same day that Red Alert, the Head of Security and Defense decided to have an processor breakdown in the main entrance of the headquarters.

Essentially, Red Alert was the best kind of Security Head because he was very precise about everything and was constantly worried about every little detail. This also meant that he entrusted very important tasks to himself which added to his already overloaded workload. Hence, he'd do a biweekly check of every lock and security devise in the headquarters. It was usually more common to find him, his head in a wall in some random hallway, than it was to find him in his office. Sometimes this caused everyone problems, but it had certainly prevented any type of successful attack on the command headquarters.

As of now, Blurr was leaving his office. He had his data-pad, which was needed for his meeting, tucked into a secure chest cavity. Unfortunately for him, the hallway was quite crowded so he couldn't yet move at the speeds he wanted to. His wheels stayed tucked at his heel backs rather than under his heels, even though they ached to be released. He forced himself to be a responsible bot though and walked alongside the rest of his comrades, although slightly faster.

Much slower than he would have preferred, he made it to the front entrance to discover a line of grumbling Autobots. At first, he tried to wait in line to get out. Fairly quickly he realized it wasn't moving at all though.

"Excuse-me. I-have-a-meeting." Blurr finally said, the Autobots around him recognizing him and letting the Intelligence Head pass through to the front. That's where he discovered several things that made him want to ram his processor into a wall.

The first was a very distressed looking Red Alert who had himself wedged up against the control box for the main entrance. That very sight was trouble.

The second was Ironhide, Leader of Autobot Ground Troops, looking far too angry to be safe. Often when the Trigger-Happy bot was angry, his cannons came out blazing. He already looked past that stage unfortunately.

Standing behind him were an extremely bored looking Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. Blurr knew that when those two got bored, bad things tended to happen. So basically, the entire entrance was a danger zone.

Blurr realized it might be stupid, but he decided to speak up in his fast-paced tone. "Red-Alert-what-exactly-are-you-doing?"

At first the only response he got was an almost snarl like sound from Ironhide and the twins groaning in boredom simultaneously. Red Alert jumped slightly, probably only having realized that the Intelligence bot was there when he spoke up.

"This door is in need of m-major repairs!" Red Alert replied urgently, giving him a look of terror that was normal for the Security bot.

"Major my slagging aft!" Ironhide cursed at the already distraught bot. Of course, Red Alert shied away from Ironhide by hiding his head back inside the control box.

"Major-enough-to-not-open-the-door?" Blurr asked quickly, decided it was better for everyone's safety not to answer Ironhide.

"Yes!" Red Alert cried without removing himself from the control panel.

"What's-wrong-with-it?"

"The door closes at a rate that's 0.0014% slower than what it needs to be!" The bot's voice was muffled by the control panel. "Then the security alarm signal is sent to the alarms and to the security guards more than 0.03 mili-cycles late!"

"That's faster than any bot can even process, you glitch!" Ironhide snarled, causing Red Alert to fall out of the control panel in surprise. Even Blurr found himself flinching away from the angry Autobot.

"It's possible! I can't take the chance!" Red Alert cried in defense, scrambling up to try to get back to work again.

Ironhide at that moment looked like he might actually bust a connector. The twins looked far more amused at this point, but were visibly staying away from their commander. Blurr found he was soon taking a step back as well.

"Chance! HA! If you spend all of your time worrying about a slagging mili-cycle lag, than allow me to rearrange your PRIORITIES!" Ironhide roared, flinging his arms up as they shifted into his extremely powerful cannons. Red Alert's optics widened in fear releasing a frightened squeal as he dove out of the way. Just as he had cleared Ironhide's cannons that they actually fired. The blasts hit the door dead on and blasted it open like they were made of tinfoil.

Blurr found himself falling backward in surprise, crashing into the bot behind him. Ironhide was trigger-happy, but he'd never actually thought he'd blast a door down in their own headquarters! Even so, part of him was glad he had, because now they could all leave.

"There." Ironhide snorted, seeming almost smug now, his cannons shifting back into his normal arms. "Now you have a more important project to start on." With that, the Autobot stepped unceremoniously through the destroyed doorway. The twins followed behind shortly, visibly struggling to not burst out laughing.

Red Alert was laying on the ground not far from the wreckage, staring in horror at the ruins of door. It was obvious he was close to losing it. Of course it didn't help that as soon as Ironhide and the twins were out of general sight, the twins could be heard roaring in laughter.

Blurr found the ordeal a bit amusing as well, but he also felt a shred of humanity towards Red Alert. He was late for his meeting though.

"Call-Ratchet-and-tell-him-to-send-down-a-medic-to-pick-up-Red-Alert." Blurr said quickly, turning to one of the bots near him. Although he didn't seem to be completely following the fast-talking Intelligence bot's orders, Blurr continued. "Also-send-a-mesage-to-Red-Alert's-department-to-send-someone-else-to-fix-this-problem-here." The bot nodded at Blurr's orders, but looked completely at a loss. Blurr didn't notice.

Red Alert had than managed to stand up and was staring at the control box blankly, probably not a good sign. Blurr just patted him on the shoulder before extended his wheels and taking off out the door. He was sure that Prowl would find a way to get him in trouble for this later, but at least he couldn't accuse Blurr of skipping an important meeting.

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So yes, Ironhide is always trigger-happy and no amount of series changes or alternate story lines can change that.

Also, Red Alert is, as you can tell, super anal about just about everything.

Blurr isn't a jerk, I promise~ He just has better things to do, that rascal~

I have no idea when I'll do another one of these since I'm still writing my story!

I hope you enjoyed this and reviews are always loved!


	2. Deletion

This article is based on my and my friend Pell's ideas about Starscream's interest in the internet.

It included things we might find Starscream looking at online or what site's he might join.

This was based off of one of our better idea's and Starscream's addiction to a certain online Encyclopedia.

I do not own Transformers, Hasbro and those other companies do!

Enjoy!

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One of Starscream's favorite thing's to do while on Earth was confusing humans and it was quite easy to do when he was in his jet form.

Currently he was sitting on a random aircraft carrier where there were several human soldiers gathered around him, scratching their furry heads in confusion. It seemed that there was an extra Harrier jet parked on their ship! Starscream of course was trying not to laugh out loud as they ran the number on his side through their computers to find that he was a currently in use Harrier jet that was supposed to be on the other side of the planet. They continued walking around him in confusion. One even tried to pop open his cockpit, which he kept firmly sealed, much to the man's displeasure.

After a while though, Starscream found he was getting a bit bored by their silent confusion, as they'd stopped actively trying to figure out his presence. So he did what he often did to amuse himself on this planet. He logged onto the internet. It really was so amazing. Often times he found himself playing some little game or creating himself a page on a site like Myspace.

Now, he decided to search on one of his favorite sites: Wikipedia. It provided him with so much information on any little thing on the planet.

Out of simple curiosity, he searched for an article on "Earth." What came up surprised him so much that he actually shifted on his wheels, causing about a dozen soldiers to stumble back and shout in fear.

Clearly printed on the page were the words "Earth is set for deletion."

What did that mean?! Why was the Earth going to be deleted?! Although he personally didn't care if it was destroyed or not, HE was still on it! And who was going to destroy it?! It didn't make sense!

In his panic, Starscream realized that his planet might have something to do with it. After all, it was probably known that more than one important Autobot leader was on the planet and an easy way to destroy them was to destroy the planet.

So he did what seemed logical to him, he decided to contact Shockwave. Most of the Decepticons wouldn't associate with Starscream, but Shockwave would if it was work related. That bot was what humans might call a "work-o-holic."

"Shockwave, are you there?" he called through his Com-link.

There was a short pause following a bit a static before a voice replied, monotone and serious as ever. "Starscream, you know that you aren't supposed to be contacting base after what happened."

Starscream ignored him. "The Earth, you aren't planning to deleted it are you?"

There was silence on the other end again followed by a exasperated sigh. "The Earth is hardly a threat to the Decepticon cause. Do I dare ask why you want to know?"

"Wikipedia, an Earth information center, says the planet is going to be deleted!" Starscream replied, not convinced that Shockwave didn't plan to destroy it with him still on planet.

"Wikipedia?" Shockwave questioned quietly. His end of the Com-Link went silent again and Starscream waited patiently. Several times, he heard the sound of buttons being pressed in the backgrounds.

"Well?" Starscream pressed.

For once, Shockwave answered almost immediately. "To quote our leader, Megatron... 'Starscream, you are an imbecile.'"

"What!?" Starscream screeched into the connection.

"Wikipedia is inaccurate and commonly has mistakes." Shockwave replied.

"So?! How do you know this isn't real?!"

Shockwave sighed deeply into the link again. "By accessing the internet through your Com-Link I have learned a little bit about this planet Earth."

"So?!"

"Do you know what day it is?"

"...What?"

"Today is April 1st, according to this planet's calendar." Shockwave said matter-of-factly.

"So what?"

"Look up the date on your precious Wikipedia." Shockwave replied, closing the Com-Link connection before Starscream could respond in any way.

He huffed softly to himself, scaring the humans around him in the process.

Although he didn't want to, as a matter of pride, Starscream did what Shockwave had said and looked up "April 1st" on Wikipedia.

"....Oh."

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Yes, that's based off of an actual Wikipedia April Fool's Day prank. ^^

In my story "The Last Battle", Starscream referred to Wikipedia several times.

Pell and I had to wonder what would happen when he came across a fake article that often appears on the site.

Also, that is the first time I've ever done anything for Shockwave, so his character is completely undeveloped as of yet.

His character, attitude, and such may be changed in the future, but I thought he should be in this story.

Reviews are much appreciated and thanks for reading!


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